Soooo, you kinda have this date planned… Perhaps something came up, or you don’t feel like going anymore. Whatever the situation is, you don’t want to come across as rude or flaky.

So how do you cancel a date with the least drama? Continue reading dear friends.

How to cancel a date with a girl

You just woke up and received the following message:

Hey! I have a busy day at work today so I probably won’t be done until after 8 p.m. Where do you wanna meet tonight? 🙂

Oops! You completely forgot about tonight’s date AND you don’t really feel like going either.

So you want to cancel the date but you don’t want her to feel offended. That’s tricky.

So you reply:

Hey, I have to cancel tonight. I’m sorry! I understand if that’s a deal-breaker for you and you never want to see me again. Thanks for being so nice last time. Bye.

Great. She can’t possibly think you’re an asshole now.

Just kidding.

Unfortunately, you made a few mistakes:

  • You didn’t tell her why you’re canceling
  • You obviously want her to lose interest but you weren’t clear about it
  • You included a fake compliment to make the bitter pill taste sweeter

BASICALLY: these kinds of messages are fake and disrespectful.

So how do you cancel a date with a girl the right way?

The best way to cancel a date

Maybe you already had an awkward date with that girl, and you didn’t dare to turn her down when she said at the end of the evening:

“Hey, it was really fun. When will I see you again?”

And now you’re trying to avoid that second date….. Does this make you an asshole? Absolutely not.

There are many reasons why you’d want to cancel a date: You didn’t click, you’re not attracted to her, you’re not in the mood…

That’s okay. It’s better to cancel a date than to go even though you don’t want to.

But, like most people, you don’t want to hurt her feelings, so you think it’s better to lie and be vague about the reason.

That’s a mistake. Because when it comes to canceling a date, the golden rule is: Be honest.

If you didn’t click, say:

“Hey, it was fun. You’re a very cool girl, but I don’t think we’re a match.”


Hey, thanks for last night. But I didn’t feel the spark. I think we should leave it at that.

What about if you’d genuinely like to see her, but something came up?

In this case, say:

Hey! Sorry, I’m not going to be able to make it tonight, because of *the reason*. Would you mind reschedule? Are you available *any other day*?


Sorry, this is terribly rude, but I can’t make it tonight because *reason*. Next time all the drinks are on me.

3: How to make sure you don’t come across as an asshole

If you want to cancel a date without being rude, here are four golden rules you must follow:

  • Don’t cancel on the day of the date. That’s rude. Time is the most valuable thing people have. If someone frees up an entire evening for you, that’s something you should respect.
  • If you still want to see her, be clear about it. Canceling a date often feels like a rejection. Chances are she’ll doubt whether you still like her or not. Let her know you do by rescheduling the date.
  • Be 100% honest. (see tip #2)
  • Keep it short. If you can’t make it for a personal reason you prefer not to share, just give her the tip of the iceberg. For example: ‘medical emergency’ or ‘family crisis.’

Respect these four rules and you’ll never come across as an asshole.

4: Examples of excuses to get out of a date

Let’s have a look at the different scenarios you can find yourself into when canceling a date.

You can go, but you don’t want to

You’ve been looking forward to this date, but suddenly all your enthusiasm is gone.

There are a few reasons this can happen.

Perhaps you’ve had an incredibly long and tough day at work, and the only thing you want is to order a pizza and watch a movie by yourself.

Fair enough. I also work a lot, and when I come home after a long day, Netflix is always more appealing to me than going out.

But trust on me on that: Nine times out of ten, going out is the right choice.

The energy boost you get from going on an exciting date doesn’t even compare with a movie night.

Think about your great life stories… Chances are they all took place outside your house, not inside.

So, as a rule of thumb, when having to decide between staying at home and going out, always choose the latter.

You want to go, but you can’t

This is also common. You really want to see this girl, but something came up and you have to cancel.

Perhaps you feel sick. In this case, just tell her and reschedule a date.

Or perhaps it’s a personal reason and you don’t feel like sharing it.

In this case, here’s an example of text you can send:

Hey. I’m really sorry but I have to cancel the date. Something has come up and it needs my full attention. I can’t tell you what, it’s a bit personal… I’d like to see you another day though.

Most women will empathize and appreciate your honesty.

5: Why you shouldn’t cancel dates too often

Great, now you know how to cancel a date without being rude.

But if you cancel dates regularly, maybe you should ask yourself why.

The answer will say a lot about you.

Perhaps you work or party way too much.

Or you have fear of rejection and you’re afraid to expose yourself to the risk a girl won’t like you (this is very common.)

Take a good look at the different aspects of your life: health, family, friends, money, work, stress…

We often focus our attention on some aspects and completely forget about the rest.

cancel dates might give you the idea that you have many women to choose from.

And that your love life is doing great.

But if you cancel dates regularly maybe you’re fishing in the wrong pond.

You meet women. But not your type of woman. That’s frustrating. And also a waste of time. Check our article about “Priori dating” for a better understanding of what is is you are actually looking for in someone before going on a million wasted dates.