Yup, getting ghosted after the first date is an epidemic (AKA welcome to the 20th century). It happens, and it happens a lot. These kinds of situations always hurt.
If you get ghosted after the first date more often, you should start gaining insight into your own patterns.
This will make you more aware of your ‘dating behavior’ so you can learn to avoid your pitfalls.
We have compiled a few of the most important reasons why there’s no contact after the first date.
1: Your date indirectly rejects you
The magical phenomenon that is called ‘ghosting.’ It’s annoying, obnoxious and above all else, very cowardly from the other person.
It’s a way to indirectly reject you, meaning without confrontation. Remember that this way of rejecting someone says more about them than it says about you. Don’t invest your precious time and energy in these kinds of people.
2: There was no click
What went wrong? What did I do? Should I have left my brightly colored sneakers home, after all?
Don’t get me wrong; it’s good to analyze yourself/your behavior after a (failed) date.
But sometimes you get ghosted after the first date because of this uncomfortable but simple reason:
You didn’t have a click
That doesn’t mean you did something wrong.
You can be the best chef that makes the world’s most amazing Mexican food… but if Mexican is not my thing, I won’t like it.
It’s the same thing when it comes to love: no matter how hard you try, sometimes you’re just not ‘it’ for the other person.
Not even 100 years of dating experience can force a click with certain people.
3: You invested too much
This is a nasty reason, that at the same time can teach you a lot.
Example:
”You had this amazing date with an amazing woman. But had no contact after the first date. Where did it go wrong?”
Firstly, re-read the Whatsapp convo you had pre date. If this WhatsApp conversation consists of almost exclusively green messages from your end, in other words: you were texting like a madman, but she barely invested in him or the conversation, this is a bad sign.
THEN during the date:
You wore a fancy suit.
You brought her flowers.
You paid for dinner in an extremely expensive restaurant.
You see, these can be beautiful or romantic gestures when you’ve been in a relationship for years.
But for a first date, this is really overkill. You’re investing way too much time, effort and energy in someone you hardly know.
And the biggest downside to it is this:
If you invest too much, you don’t give space for the other person to invest in you.
And for the other person, that can be quite suffocating and overwhelming. So overwhelming that she decides to ghost you.
Shame. If you recognize yourself in this story, learn to have a more relaxed attitude in dating.
It’s good to show interest but don’t immediately put the other person on a pedestal. Let him/her also prove that they are right for YOU instead of being the only one putting in the effort.
And: don’t fixate too early on one specific person. Keep it breezy and playful. Think in abundance, not in scarcity.
4: There was no tension
Pay close attention because this is a common one. (And sadly, most people are oblivious to it).
Imagine:
You go to the cinema. You’re anxious to see this new blockbuster. You’ve been looking forward to this moment for a long time. You’re in your chair, the lights go out and the movie starts. Two hours later and more bored than ever, you walk out of the room… the movie was one big flop. There was no tension, no excitement. It was a series of tedious and dreadfully long scenes.
Half a year later – and to your surprise – part two of this boring movie comes out.
Would you like to go there?
”Uhhm… no, thank you!”
Exactly. The same applies to dates.
If there’s no excitement in the date, the chances of making a sequel will be slim to none. Now, we are not saying that every date must take place in a house of horrors or an amusement park. (Though, according to research, these kinds of activities do help with creating attraction).
But at the end of the day, the most important thing is this:
Flirty/sexual tension.
That is what creates attraction when it comes to dating. If there’s no such tension, then the date is ‘just’ fun. But that’s all it will be. Maybe you had fun conversations but to an outsider, you might as well have been brother and sister. There was no flirting. You didn’t touch each other. There was little to no tension.
Sound familiar? Then now is the time to learn how to flirt and to apply it during your dates.
5: Your (digital) conversational skills weren’t up to par
As the ancient saying goes:
Small texting mistakes can have big consequences.
For instance: If you send her an ‘did you come home safely’ message? Then that was an important trigger for why there was no contact after the first date.
”But, isn’t that a very thoughtful message?”
Mehh, it’s mostly a very unoriginal (and illogical) message.
”No, I didn’t come home safely. I’m buried alive in a desert right now. Text you later.”
– Reaction to this unoriginal question.
It’s a standard run-of-the-mill post-date message.
You see, boring (text)messages are not exactly a great motivator to text someone back after a date. That’s why you want to make sure you have cool, catchy and interesting conversations – both digitally and in real life.
6: You were too sexual
Obviously, this is an exciting situation. Especially when after meeting someone for the first time, it had almost led to sex. This can be very confusing for both a woman and a guy.
That’s because the emotional high of the date has passed and ratio kicks in. All kinds of thoughts come up. For example:
Wasn’t that too fast?
Was I too easy?
How will it be the next time?
Out of fear or uncertainty, woman tend to go on a second date.
If the first date already led to sex or the date was very sexual energy-wise, it could form a barrier for her to go on a second date with you.
She might expect you to want sex this time or that you move too fast (again). Look, it’s wrong to have sex on the first date. If you both want that: go for it.
But if you notice that things are moving too fast, pull back! Don’t put any pressure on either one of you. Make sure she feels comfortable. Show social intelligence.
Have fun and good luck on your next dates!