Any girl out there had to deal with at least one total jerk at some point in their lives.
Hopefully, after reading this article, you’ll be able to spot those guys and stay as far away from them as possible.
Not every guy who shows characteristics of those on this list are bad people, some may be works in progress.
That’s why we are here to help a hand: A guy shouldn’t come with a long list of things that need to be done to him to make him dateable. You’re not the guy’s mom, chauffeur, or business coach, and you shouldn’t have to act like one either.
The flaky guy
One day, he’s sending you paragraphs at lightning speed, the next few days: nothing. He cancels plans at the last minute, or completely forgets about them, yet you keep giving him second chances.
Often you forgive bad habits because you deceive yourself. She explains that this can be range from convincing yourself he’s just busy at work to coming up with elaborate scenarios for him not replying back.
Overly-wishful thinking makes sense if it happens once with a guy you really like. But if this is a general pattern in all your relationships, it could be a sign of a deeper problem. There are people who, at the first sign of ambivalence, are out of there – they want a secure attachment. Then there are people who really are afraid of intimacy, and of commitment. They may not even realize this, but they will pick unavailable people.
Even though you feel a pit in your stomach when he doesn’t text back all weekend, you’re still going along with it because you know he will disappoint you. Pursuing clearly inconsistent people can be a sign that you’re afraid of going for someone who will actually show up for you. You might also find yourself only liking people who live far away, or are already in relationships, because there’s a comfort in no commitment. With in-and-out relationships, [you] get to say ‘I want something real,’ but on another level, something more real is frightening. You have to ask yourself: is there a part of you that would freak out if the flaky guy stopped flaking?
Let’s go through em’.
The rollercoaster guy
This guy changes his mind about you and the relationship all the time. What started off as pure romantic bliss has turned into him threatening to break up every time you do anything that bothers him.
This behavior is a form of narcissism, and that he can’t see his partners beyond being either a completely flawless soul mate, or a wholly bad person. “They’re not being honest with their partner – or themselves – about their own part of [the relationship] not working. So their partner thinks ‘if I just do this thing, they’ll be back.’” Having someone change their mind so often is exhausting, but there’s a reason you can feel so attached. “A lot of people who go for narcissists have a narcissistic parent who they never could please. “Unconsciously, they’re looking for a reparative do-over. The most important thing to remember is this: it’s impossible for every single problem in a relationship (be it with a partner or a parent) to be your fault.
The “just kidding’ guy
He seems to constantly undercut you, but it’s usually framed as a “joke.” While negging is a well-known pickup-artist move, it can be more subtle in real life. What he says doesn’t make you feel good, but if you bring it up, he tells you he’s just teasing and you’re being way too sensitive.
It’s normal and good to question where you can grow as a person – but a healthy partner will critique you with kindness (and, you know, not all the time).
The very, very obvious cheater
He has a girlfriend, but either swears he’ll break up with her for you or already has. You’ve heard “once a cheater, always a cheater” so many times, but you wonder, if this time, it’s not actually relevant.
The phenomenon of falling for a repeat-cheater as simply believing that him cheating had more to do with the other women than it did with him. This is a story the person tells themselves about the relationship that diminishes his bad behavior. ‘This will be different.’ ‘They were not right for him.’ ‘I am right for him, therefore he will not cheat on me.’” As incredible and special as he might make you feel, you’re more of an escape to him than someone he “just loves so much” that he has to cheat on his current-girlfriend.
Habits are very hard to change, and these kinds of ‘relationship-like’ situations very rarely turn into real relationships.
The guy who never shuts up
This is the guy who goes off about his own opinions and accomplishments so often that a part of you is actually embarrassed to be with him.
Sometimes arrogance and cockiness is mistaken for true confidence and ability. You don’t realize that what you’re seeing is really a defensive facade that they use to cover up their underlying insecurities about their self-worth.
And sometimes, if he’s a true narcissist, the line between confident and cocky can get blurry. Narcissists often have a very good sense of how other people think and will behave in response to various different kinds of behavior. They can use that to make themselves look so much better than they are.
There are a few potential reasons you find yourself dating men who take the “humble” out of “humblebragging.” “It could be how you’re raised, in which you have an arrogant, cocky father who does things well, but he’s not so nice. You could also want to be a power couple, or you could see him as your ticket to being cooler than you are, because he’s so cool. The point is that if your internal bullsh*t detector lights up even a little bit when he talks, it’s good to reevaluate some things.
The big baby guy
You find the men you date always need you so much more than you need them – from you teaching them to put money in their savings account to re-doing the dishes after they forget to wash the bottoms of the plates. Supporting a partner is great, but if you’re honest with yourself, your relationships always feel uneven.
One of the reasons, is that you’re simply mirroring what you grew up with – a mother (or women in general) who did all the work in the family. Another could be that you feel comfortable being needed. You feel like you get to be the heroine – they won’t leave. But sometimes, they’re even less capable of a relationship. You picked him because he’s inadequate, and now, he’s inadequate.
And hey, it’s not to say that men with Peter Pan Syndrome are always unpleasant to be around. Most people fall for them exactly because they can be very fun and charming – just like kids can be.
It’s up to every couple to decide where they’re willing to compromise – some people don’t mind cleaning up after their partner if they have other really great traits. But if you’re both sick of man-children yet keep dating them, it’s good to do some deeper digging.
The self pitying guy
This is the male friend who cries “friendzone” if you turn down his advances. You’re not actually that into him, but you feel bad saying “no” when he’s done so much to try and win you over
Unfortunately, this feeling has a lot to do with societal expectations of how women should behave. Women are raised to be more agreeable, for the most part. We’re supposed to be nice and to give him a chance. But we don’t feel anything for him, or he’s pressuring us and we might think ‘Well, he might be a keeper. He doesn’t feel like a keeper, but if I can’t find anyone else, I’ll be with him.’
There can be a lot of fear in saying “no”, especially when a guy makes it seem like he’ll never recover from you rejecting him (trust me, he’ll be fine). It’s not on women to “give him a chance” just because he splurged on the performative romantic gestures, and women are never obligated to date someone just because he’s “really nice.”
All of his social media accounts are off-limits guy
No one is saying that you should have access to all of his social media accounts. You shouldn’t expect him to fork over his username and password to you.
If, however, his social accounts are all private and you can’t publicly see who he’s talking to, then that’s a problem.
Why is he hiding who he’s talking to online?
Does he try to hide who he’s talking to on other platforms such as email?
You know that you have a problem if he is always fearful of you coming anywhere near his phone or the electronic devices he uses to talk to others.