When it comes to first date etiquette, it’s usually all about trying to take your awesome self up a notch. Not because you have anything to prove, but because first dates are about putting your best self out there — even if you’ve chatted with them for days through an online dating service — is still ultimately a stranger.

Let’s dive into this.

1: Asking her out the right way

Because a Vibe match is still no guarantee you’ll get her onto a date (she still has to approve you before you can chat!) be cautious with your first words when you get the chance (especially if your opener sounds something like this:)

I would like to take you out. When are you available?
Let’s try a slightly worse line:

Hey, want to grab drinks sometime?
These are BAD openers. Let us explain.

The invitation doesn’t really trigger any emotions (besides the small boost in endorphins she gets from being wanted)
The invitation shows you’re insecure. Why else would you frame the invite as a question?
And worst of all, the invitation dumps the responsibility on her. Now she decides whether the date happens or not.

So look:

If you’re not already convinced she wants to go out with you before you ask her, you’ve done a poor job of being fun.

NEVER ask girls out with an insecure question mark, because all her “hahahahas” and emojis already show that she enjoys your texts.

If she enjoys your texts, she’ll also enjoy your company.

A better date invitations look a little like this:

Let’s visit that awesome smoothie place I mentioned. Wednesday and Thursday work for me.
You know she likes smoothies. You know she likes you (on a superficial level). Why be so tentative and careful?

Ask her out with confidence.

2: The Predate

Dress for the occasion, but more importantly, dress to show respect. Reminder: It’s still better to overdress.

3: The Pickup

Be on time. Do not be drunk.

Do not bring flowers—it’s outdated. You may, however, bring a small, thoughtful gift.

Inappropriate gifts: lingerie, small animals, the first draft of your unpublished memoirs.

4: The Drive

If you’re taking a cab, you should open the door for her, give the directions, and pay.

If you are picking her up with your own car, while amusing, avoid that bit where you go and then stop and pretend to drive away without her.

No music—try talking. If you find the silence unbearable, you may put on music, but avoid the following: a) talk radio; b) anything in which R. Kelly describes something overtly sexual; c) playlists consisting entirely of songs that feature her name.

5: Locations: The best first date starts with the best location

Dating and real-estate are not that different. Both revolve around the same thing: Location, location, location.

Location is your #1 wingman. And the third player on your date. Where you take your date determines the atmosphere of the evening.

So the all-important question becomes: What kind of vibe do you want to create?

Do you want to make her your girlfriend? Shoot for romantic. A good restaurant, a chic spot to grab drinks. Or take a stroll down the canals at nightfall, where you can hold hands and watch the moon.

Are you open for anything? Then relaxed seems like a good fit. Perhaps a city festival or a brown cafe.

Do you simply want to get down and dirty? Aim for physical and spicy. I recommend a cocktail bar with live music where you can dance together.

For more vibes and atmospheres, subscribe to Vibe dating.

6: A girl’s first date checklist

If you’re like most men, you don’t know what a woman wants from a first date. Sure, you may have a general idea. Like:

Be attractive
Be funny
Be smart
But these concepts give little to no guidance.

Breaking down a first date to its most simple elements. At its most basic, a first date is a window into your life.

During the few hours you spend together, she’s only thinking one thing:

“So this is what he’s like. Do I want more or not?”
Although no woman is alike, women do look for specific traits in their sexual or romantic partners.

Roughly speaking, every woman wants:

A leader. He trusts himself enough to make choices for others
A man with options. If you get no attention from other women, she automatically distrusts you
A man with a plan. If you have no clear direction in life, she thinks you’re lost
A man who goes after what he wants. If you’re afraid to touch her during the date, she’ll label you a coward
A man she can’t easily influence. Every woman wants a rock to cling to when her world is thrown upside down

7: Don’t mirror her

Mirroring might sound positive, after all, you can mirror her and morph into her character.

But being mirroring also means you are spineless and uncreative.

Most guys that mirror:

They adjust their opinions to what they think women want to hear
They say what’s supposedly the ‘right’ thing, not what they say when they’re with their friends
You don’t want to mirror.

Because no one wants to be around a guy who’s constantly adjusting his personality.

8: When you having drinks with her

Open a tab.

Never drink more than she does. Never drink less than she does.

9: Seize the opportunity

Wasting opportunity
If you ever question this to yourself:

“Should you kiss her on the first date?”
The answer is always … YES!

A kiss says more than a thousand words.

The reason a kiss is so important, is because of 3 things:

It shows courage
It shows interest, and
If she kisses you back, you’ll know she likes you
It’s part of the first date etiquette

Girls seriously appreciate a man who dares to make the first move.

10: Last but not least: The follow up

No texting. Call the next day. Two days, tops.

If she answers the phone, thank her for a great night and schedule a second date. If you get voice mail, thank her and ask her to call you back. If she doesn’t call you back it means all bets are off.

Good luck!